Posted in Life

Getting Back To My Roots

Medieval illustration of a Christian scribe wr...
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I’ve been trying to get Freshly Pressed.

There, I’ve said it. I admitted the real reason why I’ve been writing and deleting prospective posts. It’s not that they suck. It’s that I don’t think they’ll make it to be the first thing on the screen when someone logs in to WordPress. And I hate it.

I started this blog to write. Just to write. Sure, I had the hopes that a few people would read it. It’s always nice to know someone wants to read the words you’ve painstakingly put onto that page or computer screen for their eyes. And yes, I was hoping for some feedback, either on content or style, so I could become a better writer. But now, looking back at the past couple of posts and the drafts I’ve deleted, I realize exactly what I’ve been doing.

Being Freshly Pressed has taken over my blog. I want those stat numbers to skyrocket, and I want the comments of random strangers. But it’s not for my art, to make me better at anything. Not even close. It’s simply because I want the attention. It’s an ego thing. How did this happen? Why can’t anything be just about writing?

Even now I’m thinking about whether or not this would get Freshly Pressed. I’m thinking to myself, “Will someone on the WordPress staff like it enough to make it Freshly Pressed?” Why should I care? I’m a writer. That’s what I’m supposed to do. Write. All I should care about is what I’m writing about, and possibly making sure it’s grammatically correct. I don’t want to be a journalist so I can see my words written on the front page of a newspaper or in a feature column for a magazine (although that would be a cherry on top). I want to be a journalist so I can use my words to bring information to people, and so I can make a career out of a hobby. Why does everyone have to make it a contest?

Hopefully, now that I’ve realized I’m crazy and obsessed, I’ll be able to kick this addiction to stats and get back to the real meaning of my blog. As the saying goes, the pen (or keyboard) is mightier than the sword. I’m wielding a lot of power here in my finger tips, and of course, my mind. I need to reconnect and really start to use it.