Self-Discovery

I am already two weeks into my freshman year at Baldwin-Wallace College. I’ve read several textbook chapters, a famous and controversial Norwegian play, a short story full of subtle allegory, and several articles about education. I’ve watched a German movie and analyzed another movie on the basis of interpersonal communication. I’ve sat through seven classes taught entirely in German. And I’ve already had to stay up until two in the morning, attempting to finish a mountain of homework. Oddly enough, I’m not anxious in the least anymore.

Maybe it’s just the fact that I now have a routine, as well as intriguing classes and an intense desire to learn. Instead of anxiety, I’m filled with curiosity and questions. The most pressing question is this: How am I going to change?

Everyone’s told me, “You’ll be a different person.” Some said after a year, others after four years. A few even ventured to say I’d change after a week. I’m starting to believe the few. I’m not sure if it’s my classes that are opening my mind to all sorts of new ideas, or that my perspective is changing as I meet new people and encounter new ideas. But I’ve noticed a difference.

Sitting and copying definitions of concepts for Intro to Interpersonal Communication, I found myself thinking about them intently, and not just about how they applied to the movie we’re analyzing. I was applying them to my actions, how I interact with people. It’s something I’ve thought about before, in passing, but laying on the couch in the lounge, I was deeply invested in searching my mind and studying my behavior in retrospect. It was quite an odd and delightful feeling.

It’s a feeling that I’ve had quite intensely ever since I moved in three weeks ago. I feel like a new person. No, not new yet… That’s not quite right. I feel like a developing person. My opinions are forming and changing. My habits and comfort zones are going through a metamorphosis. I expected to see a difference, eventually. But I can feel it intently already. And I’m ecstatic. I’m waiting impatiently to see exactly what kind of person I’m going to turn out to be, what I’m going to find out about myself and learn about the world around me. No wonder everyone says college is an exciting time.