Yesterday, April 24th, 2020, was supposed to be my wedding day. I’ve always joked that the universe hates it when I make plans because they very, VERY rarely work out even close to as expected, but I thought this one might actually come to fruition. Bold of me.
I’m sad that I don’t know when I’ll be wearing the beautiful gown that’s been hanging in my closet for months, or sitting down to the wonderful meal we worked out with our fantastic caterers or dancing the night away to the fantastic playlist I’ve been curating. But this too shall pass. I’ll still be spending the rest of my life with the man I love, and we’ll make it official and party at a later date just as planned.
Coronavirus has put so much on hold, and that’s fine. There’s very little that can’t be adjusted. Pushing the wedding back is annoying, but completely manageable; same with canceling a vacation and putting honeymoon planning on hold and scaling back on out-of-home entertainment and dining. But it’s changed– and taken– so much that can’t be put back, for better and for worse.
One of my VIPs can no longer be at my wedding, and that hurts the most. My Papap, a man so integral in raising me, passed away on March 28th. He was so full of joy and love, and so mischievous. He was going to be the life of the party as always, and I was so looking forward to sharing another of the biggest moments of my life with him. It was so close, and still too far away. And grieving in this time of social distancing and self-quarantine just flat out sucks, way more than usual.
On the good side, I still have a job with a steady paycheck, benefits, and a fair amount of flexibility. I have a partner who loves me and takes care of me, and who I love and take care of in return. I have family and friends who are keeping in touch and we’re keeping each other afloat. And I have my own health; even though I can’t hit the gym the way I was and have struggled with motivation, I’ve been running and using my home set up when I can and working in yoga sporadically.
I’ve been trying to focus on these things, and on improving in areas that I never seemed to have time for before. I’ve been reading, improving my Passion Planner, and trying to journal. I’ve been keeping up with my classes, and also cultivating some potted plants.
All of this to say… Feel your emotions, because there are a lot of them right now. Find silver linings where you can. Find something that keeps you sane and moving forward– a new hobby, an old hobby, or Animal Crossing, or just binge watching your favorite show when it gets overwhelming. There are no wrong answers here. This can’t last forever, and if it does, we’ll adjust. I’m telling myself this as much as I’m saying it to you. I don’t have much else to say at the moment, so here’s some positive vibes going out into the universe for anyone who needs them.
Lots of love,
Caelie
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